Singles Hire Coaches to Improve Their Dating Game

ABC NEWS -- Aug 11 -- Liz Kelly, author and dating coach, tells her clients to go out and get professional photographs.  Web sites such as e-cyrano.com and Lookbetteronline.com help singles with their online profiles.  What makes more sense, according to some in the industry, would be for these kinds of services to be bundled into the online dating sites. "I don't think the online dating sites have pushed it very hard and I don't think that users perceive that they need help. But sitting on the other side of the table … I'm here to tell them yes — you jolly well do," said Mark Brooks of Onlinepersonalswatch.com.  "There's a dire need for people to improve their photographs. People, especially guys, are so visual," said Brooks. "It behooves the online dating sites to help the users improve their profiles. The better the profiles look, the better their product looks."  FULL ARTICLE @ ABC

Mark Brooks: All too often daters just don't put enough time into their profiles, or put up old or awful photos.  Surprise!  No results.  Put more time and consideration into your profile.  ..."I like going for walks on the beach."  Why?  What is it that lights your fire and makes you want to dance at the waters edge?  Get up to date photos, from a pro.  At the very least, get your friend to snap 100 photos and pick out the top 5.

Comments

[Orikinla Osinachi]

That post should have been called "Desperately Seeking Susan".

Most of the men patronising on line dating are more honest than the women.
Profiles are full of lies in the desperation to deceive and seduce the ignorant targets.
"Seeing is believing".

There was a young African single I met on line more out of my romantic adventures. She refused to send me close up pictures and lied that people always called her one of the tennis playing Williams sisters, because of her hairstyle. And that she was prettier than the Williams sisters. Boy! I was very anxious and curious to see her. I went to see her on the campus of her university and when I saw her, I was disappointed. Because, she was like a mean looking young man and her legs were not straight and she was not even as tall as either Serena or Venus Williams. Well, I pretended to tolerate her until I politely cut off from her. Her profile deceived me.

Pictures also lie.
Some good looking people are not photogenic. And some photogenic people are not always good looking when you meet with them.
Again, with cosmetics and make up, you could make a monkey look like Miss Universe or make an ape look like Brad Pitt.

So, on line dating is not the best way to find true relationship. It is better to go and get the one you want yourself.

[James Houran]

I disagree with the above post. Academic research shows that relationships which started online (such as with Internet matchmaking and dating) can be equally or even more lasting and fulfilling as those that started offline.

Additionally, some services offer profile coaching as part of their online dating package. For instance, at TRUE we have free profile coaching consisting of evidence-based guidelines and advice. We also have a regular column about profile coaching in our online magazine, "True U" (the magazine everyone now seems to be copying!).

The consumer response to our profile coaching services has been phenomenal. More importantly, the wealth of positive reactions online daters get after using our profile coaching supports the comments Mark Brooks made in this piece.

Indeed, online dating is a proven and viable means of finidng a partner...and profile coaching is a much needed tool that online daters seem to be demanding from their existing services!

Thanks,

James Houran, Ph.D.
Chief Psychologist, TRUE.com

[orikinla osinachi]

How many in a million?

I know some sites using borrowed pictures of models to make up their files and with chicanery, they have made a fortune out of the on line dating business.

Of course, some are very transparent. But, you cannot just say you don't agree with my own point of view.

My argument is valid.

I have met and made some great friends while blogging and some are already dating.
That one is live and direct, because it is not a set up.

I have seen so many matches turning out to be mismatches.

Let's go fishing.
There is plenty of fish in the seven seas.
And there are man-eating sharks among them.

[Mark Brooks]

Such is life. But, where is the biggest sea? The local bar with 50 people partying it up, or an internet dating site with 50,000 locals to choose from. They both require work. They both have risks, and you could well get your heart handed to you on a plate. But, online dating improves massively over the real world. Online dating will outperform that local bar more and more in the future. Personality profiling and improved modes of communication are the future of online dating.

Mark Brooks
[email protected]

[Dave Evans]

Nice to see people talking about the importance of great profiles. This is something I have been pushing for several years now. Dating sites that understand the value of great profiles will do better than those that choose not to partner with value-added services such as photos and profile enhancement.

The coaching part is a tiny fraction of the industry. This is a subscription-based industry and people want a quick fix. For every $250 profile consultation, ProfileDoctor can do hundreds of semi-automated Personal Ad MakeOvers.

[James Houran]

I've never known popular online dating sites not talk about the value of great profiles!!! In addition, dating sites can assist customers in creating great profiles (and educating people on how to successfully go about oline dating) without partnering with outside "profile enhancements services."

Sites like TRUE already offer profile coaching free to its members -- I suspect that soon other sites will follow this example as its a great value add and makes a service more comprehensive. I doubt that customers want to have to go here and there to find profile coaching -- they want a quality service at a site that is essentially a one-stop shop.

Thanks,

James Houran
Chief Psychologist, TRUE.com

[Lee Phillips]

Profile coaching is definately a benefit to anyone who is a member of a site that offers it, and True is to be commended for offerring it as a free service. Of course one could argue that at nearly $50 per month for a normal subscription, most of their members would be loath to part with any more money for a service whose results may not be immediately obvious.

Its also interesting that True offers profile coaching, while at the same time sorting profile search results by an "Attractiveness Score" they assign to a member whenever they upload a photo. This seems to be somewhat at odds with wanting everyone's profile to have a fair chance of being viewed. I'm curious, do any other site have similar practices? I suppose it would be hard to know unless one had information from an insider.

Lee Phillips
Independant Consultant/Developer

[Evan Marc Katz]

It's a specialized world. There are plumbers and chefs and personal trainers who get paid top-dollar to do things far less important. One's love life is no place to look for a cheap fix.

Anything that is as personal as trying to capture an individual's unique essence in 400 words requires time and attention. If websites like True want to pay the salaries for in-house writers, more power to them.

Fact is, profiles are much better outsourced to experts. We take on the responsibility of servicing clients at NO COST to the dating sites. Companies like E-Cyrano enhance members' images while increasing sites' customer retention and revenue.

Now THAT'S what it's all about.

[Kathryn Lord]

This is the kind of feedback I get regularly from my Romance Clients, and it speaks strongly to the "bottom line" (return for your dollar) of professional Romance Coaching:

***Kathryn, I am really happy I found your site and your help. I get compliments from men on my new profile. Wow. What a boost. Today a guy wrote to me on my 'Yahoo' personals .... "I noticed your profile and picture while entertaining my self with a yahoo personals search and I was motivated to give the yahoo people $20 bucks to contact you. " Can't get much better than that, now can it?? None of them may work out, but at least I am getting contacts. It's not like I am going out begging to be noticed. They notice me, now!! ***

That's the ultimate compliment and proof: Her correspondent coughed up $20 to email her back. Isn't that what both consumers and dating sites want to hear?

Kathryn Lord, Your Romance Coach

[John G.]

When you use help from a profile writing expert you are just accepting that someone else might understand capturing your personality better in an online dating profile than you yourself could.

Expertise has value---I can make pancakes at home, but IHOP's does it better. Same goes for hair stylists, interior designers, psychologists...at some level, you are paying for someone else's extra knowledge on a particular subject. You can't become an expert at everything, but if you realize the value of expertise in unconventional areas like profile writing, coaching, etc. you are already ahead of the pack.

Addressing Osinachi's comment: The biggest advantage of online dating-people are *single and actively looking*. In bars, coffee shops, parties---too many times you end up talking to people, getting all excited about them, only to realize that they aren't single! Or getting out of a relationship, having problems, just not ready to date... No such issues in online dating. These people are available and want to get involved with someone.

You post a good profile which reflect you accurately, you contact some singles whose profiles and photos you like, setup a date, and start the dice rolls of love. At least you are dating, meeting new people, increasing your odds!

And hey, you can still try to meet people at bars, thru friends, gym...online dating and these established routes are not mutually exclusive!
John G.
Founder
www.dating-profile.com

[Merav Knafo]

Yes, profiles are very important. BUT to in order to attract people to read your great profile, you will need a great photo first.

If the customer has a good photo, more people will PAY to write to them. And if this person gets more emails, he or she are more likely to PAY to the dating site to reply these emails.

Very simple math :-)

All you executives out there, the real picture is that people are frustrated with the amount of responses they get. As competition grows, you can no longer depend on your brand alone, you have got to increase your member's success and satisfaction. Put your members FIRST and people will notice and be loyal to you.

The fact is that dating sites now days spend millions on the wrong things: Magazines, mobile, personality testing etc. How about providing people with something they REALLY need to succeed? An eye catching photo and a well-written profile - these are the basics. The rest will not have the same or any impact on their success.

Best Regards,

Merav Knafo
562.252.3999
Co-founder
LookBetterOnline.com
"Is your photo a deal-maker or a deal-breaker?"

[James Houran]

I disagree that a great profile necessarily begins with a great photo. There's what we'd ideally like people to do (post a photo and then make it a great photo) and there is what actually happens -- which is surprisingly often that many people are dead set against posting a photo for various reasons.

Instead of working against these people, we should offer them additional and alternative tools to present themselves to prospects. This is where great profile coaching, personality testing, etc. comes into play. Thus, these tools are hardly a waste of time or money for the dating sites or the customers. It's up to services to provide the tools and the expertise to assist all customers!

Thanks,

James Houran, Ph.D.
Chief Psychologist, TRUE.com

[Merav Knafo]

I said that the first 2 things you need are photo and profile and the focus should be on that. I didn't say profiles are not important. I said that very few people will be tempted to bother and read your profile if you don't have a photo or if you have a sub-standard photo.

Merav Knafo
562.252.3999
Co-founder
LookBetterOnline.com
"Is your photo a deal-maker or a deal-breaker?"

[Glenn Gasner]

In response to Lee Phillips post way above, I read once that Tickle.com / emode.com formed an attractiveness score for each photo by calculating the ratio of the number of times a photo was shown in search results to the number of times that the searcher then clicked on that photo. They also implied that the attractiveness score was then used as part of their matching algorythm. I don't have the reference, but a thorough googler could certainly find the article. The information might've been in a tickle.com newsletter or somewhere on the old emode site, it was about two years ago that I read it.

Glenn Gasner

[Cara Fletcher]

I read an article about a program or a site that helps people to improve their online dating profiles but I have never heard of such a thing-to hire a person to improve your dating game.But if this helps people and they feel more confident then I can't say nothing about it.

[Life Coach]

I agree it's easy to look at dating coaches as a last resort. Why is this? I guess people are afraid to admit that they want help. I think that everyone should be trained more about how to date effectively. The training that society gives is basically just "oh, just be yourself" this is very difficult advice to follow if you don't know who yourself is, and even then how does that truly help you relate to others? This is why confidence coaching can be extremely helpful. Thank you for writing this.

Tyler,
http://confidencedynamics.com

[Julie Trump]

Hmm, I don't know about getting a coach. If you are trained on dating then aren't you really just pretending to be somebody else?

Dating shouldn't be that hard!

[dating Helen]

Getting a coach shiould'nt mean you are training to be some one else. It just means you are trying to be the better you.