TIME Calls Time Out On eHarmony

TIME MAGAZINE -- July 14 -- TIME Magazine named eHarmony.com one of five Internet sites to avoid because of its power to cause utter despair.  eHarmony claims a more "scientific" approach with personality questionnaires.  On typical dating sites, you are less likely to take it personally. But if you revealed yourself and the site delivers terrible recommendations — or rejects you as unmatchable — what do you tell yourself then? The company's advice to stick with it for months, runs up costs. The site also discriminates against gays.

The full article was originally published at Time, but is no longer available.

Mark Brooks: eHarmony is getting a hammering? Is it fair? I think they have a right to choose what market to focus on. myPartnerPerfect recently launched to serve the gay serious dating market. PlentyofFish has been quietly working away on some new personality profiling tests. 

Comments

[David DiSabatino]

"I think they have a right to choose what market to focus on."

Sure. And people have the right to hammer them for it.

[Kathryn Lord]

I too agree that eHarmony has the right to choose their own market, but just be honest and up front about it. In the past, they have not been, and only recently have the general public become aware of the discriminatory practices because eHarmony has been "outed" by others, as in this Time piece. However, eHarmony's anti-gay policy is only mentioned in the last sentence of the Time article.

The other points made are equally valid and probably more relevant to most singles. I practically never recommend eHarmony, unless my client is male and Christian. I have heard over and over about the frustration and inappropriate matches singles find with eHarmony, particularly women. Something the Time article does not address is the gender ratios, number of men to women. eHarmony does not disclose their figures, but PerfectMatch, with a similar "scientific matching" orientation, does. PerfectMatch markets to men that they have a 2:1 female to male ratio. eHarmony is probably similar. Sites like eHarmony and PerfectMatch attract women. Men tend to dislike eHarmony in particular. I steer all my women clients elsewhere.

Most recent stories? A pairing of my female client with a man she knew was married. When she reported him to eHarmony, she was told that they rely on what their members state. Another woman was scammed by a guy who is now back in jail -- apparently he had scammed others as well. While few of the dating sites even purport to screen or do background checks, sites like eHarmony tend to heighten expectations of success and create false illusions of safety. Singles on all sites need to keep their guard up and their expectations realistic.

Kathryn Lord
Romance Coach

[Sam Moorcroft, ChristianCafe.com]

Sigh. Here we go again on the anti-eHarmony rant and supposed "discrimination" (puhlease!). They are abundantly clear on which market they serve.

I think our friend Kathryn should just come clean and admit that she has deep-seated issues against eHarmony that would be best addressed on a therapist's couch;-) I mean, come on!

Re: the Time article. Did anyone actually read it? It is sour grapes from the writer, pure and simple (IMHO, of course).

[Slinky Dating Australia]

"A pairing of my female client with a man she knew was married. When she reported him to eHarmony, she was told that they rely on what their members state".

And why is this so outrageous?
----------------
"Another woman was scammed by a guy"

Gee, scammed on a dating site?
Surely not.

Cheers,

[Mithras]

There are Christian gay people. Lots of them. And they can get married in at least one jurisdiction, and can be joined in civil union in many others. eHarmony is just practicing irrational prejudice.

[Sam Moorcroft, ChristianCafe.com]

"Irrational prejudice"? Is this the new PC buzz word?

Why in a free society can't a company just specialise in what they are good at? Is a company homophobic simply because they don't serve that market? How ridiculous is that?

I guess we are that and Islamophobic and Hinduphobic and athiest-phobic and whatever else-phobic because our niche isn't any of those groups. Of course, to suggest any of that would be absurd.

By yours and others reasoning, gay sites are discriminatory, too, because they don't serve heterosexuals. Isn't this "irrational prejudice"?;-) Where's your outcry over their supposed "anti-heterosexual" stance?

Re: there are lots of "Christian" gay people: see the comment from "CJ" on this same issue last month (http://onlinepersonalswatch.typepad.com/news/2007/06/eharmony_accuse.html#comments), which I have copied in part here:

"Here's another comment: "There are lots of single Christian gays and lesbian..." Really? Do you have any quantitative data on that? 'Cause I'd love to see it if you do. I have no doubt that there are gays and lesbians who perceive themselves to be "Christians," but I believe they are either fooling themselves or have been mislead by non-biblical teaching which falsely claims that the Bible does not say homosexuality is wrong."

Why can't people just applaud the success a site like eHarmony has had in matching people as well as financially for themselves? I think Match and Yahoo Personals have also done a great job in those dept's. But, the latter two don't get half the flak that eHarmony does.

I think the negative comments about eHarmony have more to do with their critics' **own prejudices** (that they refuse to acknowledge) than anything legitimate.

"Agree with everything we say and believe, or you are a bigot and a homophobe and whatever else - and we'll try and force you to do what we want. Freedom of expression only applies to us."

Worse still is "Dare to express your opinion and we'll shout you down".

Thankfully that hasn't happened in this forum. And, may it never!

[Platinum Skyyy]

Yes. I believe they have the right to pick and choose as this is "their" venue. Individuals have the same right and choice as to whether they want to "patronize" the sight or not. You can always (like any venue, store, restaurant...etc.) carry your business elsewhere if you don't like the service.

Platinum

www.PlatinumPleasurePalace.com

[Pacificstu]

I tend to agree with Sam Moorcroft from Christian Café. Here are a few points to consider. Both eHarmony and from what I can examine, Christian Café, are explicitly upfront with their Christian values. There’s certainly no escaping that.
Those who are seeking homosexual relationships, who appear to be intelligent in every another area, seem to not have the discernment to choose a provider to suit them, and fail to show tolerance to allow heterosexual companionship providers to operate. The very same tolerance is apparently demanded from others towards them as a minority grouping acting in what appears to be in a precious manner.
This being the case, it then seems the hypocrisy and discrimination accusations could easily and successfully be levelled at these critics. “Live and Let Live” is the mantra that critics of eHarmony and Christian Café almost universally claim.
Indeed!
Then the critics should consider behaving in rational way: i.e. take a leaf out of their own book, and not conveniently discriminate against others holding strong and clear Christian values & views dissimilar to their own.