Larry Wilson, Founder And CEO Of Opposites Connect

OPW INTERVIEW - July 2 - eHarmony matches based on similarities, but some argue that matching people on complimentary i.e. opposite traits, makes life more interesting for the matchees. Matching on opposite traits seems like a black art, to me. Matching on similarities seems like something that is far more predictable and repeatable. Opposites Connect is a new site that matches opposites. They’re running TV ads right now. I talked with the Founder and CEO Larry Wilson. - Mark Brooks

Listen to the interview

What is your founding story and what inspired you to start Opposites Connect?
All dating sites have the same methodology. They are looking to fix up people with their perfect harmonious match, or in other words, their mirror image. It might work for several people but I’d be willing to bet there is a huge populous in the single’s community that this method doesn’t apply to. It just seems to be common sense to me. My grandmother used to tell me that opposites attract.

As a result, I started looking to see if there was anyone out there who did it that way. I was actually shocked to see that there wasn’t.

Why opposites? Do they really attract? Have you found any evidence perhaps that has drawn you to the conclusion that there’s a better approach to help people meet based on opposites?
Yes, actually there is a lot of anecdotal proof. As I said, my grandmother said opposites attract but it is important to draw the comparison between opposites attracting and opposites connecting. Sure you can attract for a variety of reasons but will you be able to establish a connection as well? That is what we’re striving to accomplish.

We all know people in our lives, for example, couples that have been together for 15 years or more. We look at them and we say: “Them? They’re so different. How is it working for them?” But it does! The whole concept just stands to reason. The differences that you have and the conflict resolution skills that you develop from having different preferences and ideas about how certain things should work really foster a long term bond.

So when I had this idea, I approached 3 prominent relationship experts, psycho-therapists if you will, who actively see clients on a daily basis. They informed me that the number one problem of the clients they have is that they’re constantly going for the same type of person over and over again and it has failed for them. We are the dating site that lets you look at that other person, that person you might not normally give a chance to even though they might have so much to offer.

How do you help opposites connect on OppositesConnect.com?
For starters, we try to make sure that people are similar to a certain degree. For example, are they both single? Are they looking for a long term relationship and do they both believe in family, etc? They fill out the questions in our questionnaire.

Once we’ve established the basics, we want to find out what makes them different. Specifically, what makes them unique. We want to give them terrific conversation starters. There needs to be more to a conversation on a first date than saying, me too.

We think that one interesting, thought provoking and fun date will lead to another and another and another and eventually, develop a long term relationship. This is where our success comes in, not necessarily in terms of producing marriages but developing fun dates into long term relationships.

How are you promoting the site? That’s always the golden question for new dating sites. You’re building to critical mass fresh out of the gate. How are you getting to the first level of membership?
We’ve just launched our Beta site. We’re doing this very slowly and in a very orderly fashion. Shortly we will start rolling out our national advertising campaign. You’ll be seeing our banners and ads on many of the leading sites. We’ve also filmed 2 promotional videos.

Another important part of our PR and advertising is the fact that we’re free for the time being. If you look at our site, you might agree with me that it’s a beautiful site. It’s certainly not what people are used to seeing when they go to free sites. Will it be free forever? I don’t know that. If we can generate the necessary revenue through advertising, I would love to keep it free.

We’re also going to launch an iPhone app and an affiliate program. As I said, it’s all a very slow step by step process.

Where would you like to be by the end of the year? What is your vision for the end of December in terms of membership and achievements for the site?
We would like to have anywhere from thousands to hundreds of thousands, certainly within a calendar year. I see no reason why we shouldn’t be able to accomplish this, given that we are a free alternative site. It also helps that there is nothing like us out there at the moment.

My research showed that while we were developing our business plan, 60% of all internet daters were on more than one site at a time. In most cases they even paid $20 to $30 a month for what essentially measures up to be the same matching technique. We offer an alternative, so I see no reason why it shouldn’t be a success.

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Comments

[Fernando Ardenghi]

"My grandmother used to tell me that opposites attract."

Dr. Galen Buckwalter is fan to say "The truth is, opposites attract, then they attack."

I will respectfully recommend Mr. Wilson to read
Chapter 11 of the Book "Strangers in a strange lab: How personality shapes our initial encounters with others" (Oxford University Press, 2009) written by Dr. William Ickes
" ... In summary, birds of a feather (couples with similar personalities) are not only more likely to flock together (that is, to select each other as marriage partners), but are also more satisfied with their relationships to the extent that they are globally similar. ... Although odd couples (those with globally mismatched personalities) may occasionally find each other and form committed relationships as well, the statistical odds of these odd couples being satisfied with each other tend to work against them. In contrast, the statistical odds for the success of committed relationships involving not-so-odd couples (those with globally similar personalities) are substantially better" page 25
" .... highly similar couples will probably always have an advantage over the odder, highly dissimilar ones. That doesn't mean that you can't win against long odds, but it does mean that it's a real gamble trying to make things work with a person you're just too different from."
page 26

PAPERS
#1 Charania & Ickes (2009)
paper: "Personality influences on marital satisfaction: Integrating the empirical evidence using the Actor-Partner Interdependence Model (APIM) model"

#2 Rammstedt & Schupp (2008)
paper: "Only the congruent survive - Personality similarities in couples. Personality and Individual Differences"

#3 Barelds & Dijkstra (2008)
paper: "Do People Know What They Want: A Similar or Complementary Partner?"

#4 McCrae, Martin, Hrebícková, Urbánek, Boomsma et al. (2008)
paper: "Personality Trait Similarity Between Spouses in Four Cultures"

#5 Barelds & Dijkstra (2007)
paper: "Love at first sight or friends first? Ties among partner personality trait similarity, relationship onset, relationship quality, and love"

#6 Gonzaga, Campos & Bradbury (2007)
paper: "Similarity, convergence, and relationship satisfaction in dating and married couples."

#7 Figueredo, Sefcek & Jones (2006)
paper: "The ideal romantic partner personality"

#8 Bekkers, van Aken & Denissen (2006)
paper: "Social Structure and Personality Assortment Among Married Couples"

#9 Gaunt (2006)
paper:"Couple similarity and marital satisfaction: Are similar spouses happier?"

#10 Amodio & Showers (2005)
paper: "Similarity breeds liking revisited: The moderating role of commitment"

Although none of the above papers use the 16PF normative personality test (they mostly use different versions of the normative Big5 personality test instead) and linear or logistic multivariate regression equations to calculate similarity, they clearly show a connection between personality similarity and marital happiness / dyadic success (stability and satisfaction) for some persons.
*Similarity is a word that has different meanings for different persons or companies, it exactly depends on how mathematically is defined.

[Jake]

Now thats what I call a comment {the one above me}

[Chincia]

Mark, that audio interview was painful, that guy "claims" to be a CEO?? He sounded like the biggest dork merely dropping basic canned Business Mgt. 101 terms. I don't think he provided one intelligent answer or business premise. He didn't even understand the difference betw. the calendar year goal which you asked about and his own fiscal year. Stick a fork in that website, it's done.. For the record, I would rather date some one with similar interests.

[Larry Wilson]

Fernando, Chincia - thanks for reading the column. We appreciate your candid feedback. Fernando,thank you also for the insights though, many of these papers have been examined with our panel of experts. We just feel differently about these issues. Chincia - sorry to read your disappointment with the interview, we hope you'll visit us again and re-examine the site in the future. I'm glad you think I'm a dork actually! I certainly an out-of-the-box thinker, as my web-site demonstrates. You say "dork"... I say "passion". But to each their own.

To get to some of the specifics you raised Fernando, I think it was a bit disingenuous that you disagreed with our contratian take on match-making without identifying yourself first as a competitor (or "want to be" competitor) with a stake in matching like couples. I can certainly take the criticism and actually welcome it, but again you've got a vested interest in your opinion and should have stated so. I actually welcome comments and suggestions on the site and our different take on dating... the spark of debate makes for interesting thinking, conversations, and passionate debate. It clearly makes for interesting reading on these pages and we feel it will serve singles well to make their dates more interesting and fun.

I also take issue with your derogatory shot at my quote about my grandmother. CLEARLY that was anecdotal and meant as humorous.

I've read your interview here...
http://www.onlinepersonalswatch.com/news/2008/07/lifeproject-met.html
and invite others to read it as well. But like many who commented on your interview... to me it was just a bunch of jibberish. All I saw was afl cio + fbi cia is similar to a e i o u and sometimes y and would make a great couple.

I RESPECT the "science" behind it and the work you've done. But for me (and millions more), PASSION is what's missing. You won't find passion in any of your equations. Your equations are what's increasingly wrong with the match-making offered on dating sites. It's a race to one-up or out-do the competition in fixing people up who are all more and more alike! What about diversity, and respecting your mate for BEING different? What about loving someone because of the gaps they fill in your very being? What about CURIOSITY? There's NO curiosity in matching mirror images. Curiosity fuels passion... both physically and emotionally.

Again, I'm NOT diminishing what you do... it works for many. But there are many more of us out there looking for more than just saying, "Me too." on our dates.

There's no curiosity or passion in your formulas or textbooks or papers. People will not find it there. They will find it by going out there, loosening up, experiencing people out of their box, and having fun.

Is there no room for a different approach in your stringent world and labratory setting? Is there no place for just one datng company that sees things ddifferently?

The answer for me is yes. Please see our media page on our site to view all the press we're getting BECAUSE we're so different from all else out there.

We intentionally didn't call our site "Opposites ATTRACT". We called it Opposites CONNECT. We're about forming a deeper connection based on couples respecting their differences. We believe those cuoples will ultimately know each other better because they will have the confidence to speak their mind and know they will be deeply listened to. They will not take each other for granted. They've got the fun of constantly discovering more about their mate.

Soon on these pages, our panel of experts will be interviewed. And while they certainly won't be as "scientific" as you are... they also don't work in a lab with their heads in text books. They actively see people every day as relationship councelers. They have sound methodology, years of experience, and bring common sense solutions to the issue of match-making. I really hope you'll find some of the answers your looking for there... or at least respectfully agree to disagree.

[Larry Wilson]

Personal attacks show you for who you are. No more of this.

[Fernando Ardenghi]

Hello Mr. Wilson.
I had been testing OppositesConnect using some fake (dummy) male/female profiles for test purposes and my bet is that OppositesConnect will be the next "chatroulette" in the online dating industry. It will peak and decay in less than 6 months. It seems that proposal attracts young men and not women. Perhaps women do not like at all that proposal for serious dating.
The fake profiles I had invented, over 30 years old, were matched with young persons, 17 - 20 years old.
Moreover the questionnaire do not ask about your smoking/drinking habits.
You can see some screenshots in my blog "Breaking the Online Dating Sound Barrier".

Regards,
Fernando Ardenghi

[I love dating]

I can see where Fernando is comming from. However don't expect ecery one to be as passionate as you are about dating.