‘Sugar Babies’ Seek Friendship And Help With Tuition - Online Personals Watch: News on the Online Dating Industry and Business

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Mark Brooks

How is this not an escort business through and through?

Brandon Wade

Mark, It honestly saddens me to hear that coming from you, especially since you are an expert in the online dating space. How can a Sugar Daddy / Sugar Baby relationship be anything close to being an Escort business.

Barb Elgin

Now, this IS a fascinating discussion. As a psychotherapist/coach/matchmaker, I'm trying to wrap my brain around this one. I guess, in the grand scheme of things, is this any different from other 'predilections' out there (think of the OWN show 'strange sex' where some interesting fetishes are explored and think of the BDSM crowd)? The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual says, 'hey, if you aren't distressed it's not a problem'.

While obviously these sites aren't illegal, that doesn't mean there aren't potential issues of immorality here. Some could even argue such arrangements indicate character disorder. How about, for example, the sugar baby being 'bought' while a wife (and perhaps children) are home unawares? What if the sugar baby falls in love with the sugar mamma/dadda?

What about the reputation of young students doing this, especially in the age of social networks and agencies such as employers looking into their backgrounds? There are seeds of sadness and unhappiness in such scenarios. Why would a truly happy ie: successful man need or want to purchase such 'an arrangement'?

Obviously these 'arrangements' are not equal (and no they aren't meant to be). Convenience? and/or ego boost? But, is a sugar setup ultimately satisfying in the way a real love relationship, NOT A PAID ARRANGEMENT, is? If someone can't see or feel the difference, I have to wonder. Traditional matchmaking involves an exchange of money too, but usually, the only money exchanged is in paying a matchmaker to search for you. What you do after that is up to you and it's not usually about one 'being kept' and the other being 'in charge' (ha, elements of dom/sub here?).

I am concerned about the long term 'regret' potential these arrangements could have on young adults who are obviously not mature yet. So in that sense I hear the word...EXPLOITATIVE. It's not air to say the older person and the younger person are just equally choosing this deal...young people are at a disadvantage and thus one could argue unfairly vulnerable to falling prey. Ultimately, I advise young men and women thinking about engaging in such sites to seriously think about the potential long term negatives of engaging in these sites, while they dream of the expensive condo and wardrobe they will 'earn'.

Lastly, while I won't criticize those in businesses that exploit, LOL, I have to suggest that if you are a successful wealthy man looking for someone to mentor, go the more traditional route okay? There are TONS of opportunities out there for you to express this part of yourself in a healthier way.

Barb Elgin

I'd love to hear the opinions of others on the power aspects/dynamics of these arrangements.


OK, Barb, here it is:

Your post is beyond idiotic - its dishonest.

I've been active on a similar site, sugardaddyforme.com, and met a lot of great girls, at least two who I wanted to marry. Unfortunately, the feeling wasn't mutual, though I still talk to both and one may end up being my Valentine this year when she visits from out of town. So, who held the power?

I'm single, and 49. One of them is now 28, the other 24. Both very much like having sex with me, but the younger one, at least, just isn't sold on me as a long-term partner.

In the real world, women like this usually flock to the same oversexed studs. The 24 year-old was seeing a professional BMX rider at the same time as me, and also a minor league baseball player who - despite making $400K a year - was too oversexed to flip her a ticket to spring training. She actually prefers meeting married guys from these sites since they expect less than me, who so far has ended up a little disappointed. Its a bit more complicated than that - since she credibly says at one point she was falling for me - but anyway...

I met the other girl during her last few weeks in Tampa, because she was leaving to get away from a same-age stalker-type guy that she had been supporting.

Another girl I met a few years ago adores older guys. She things Rudy Giuliani is the hottest guy in the world. She wouldn't even let me pay for anything, and bought me a Tiffany money clip engraved with my initials. She insisted we have sex in my car on the first date, in the parking lot of my office. She ended up marrying a guy in his 60s.

I just had lunch the other day with a nice woman that I met on the site. We dated a few times, never were intimate, but still talk.

Bottom line: your comment is full of selfish and feminist memes, because you want older guys to spend money on you instead of younger women. Your opinion is disingenuine to the t. Men have been supporting women for thousands of years, even middle-aged sea cows and old ladies. Because of the sexual liberation of our times, more and more women flock to a smaller pool of oversexed guys - unless they have a financial incentive to do otherwise. In fact, these sites return gender relationships more toward the traditional, and give a guy a chance to date someone he really likes, not just someone he is willing to settle for - a chance which is completely unavailable on any other dating site except for the few oversexed studs who bang all the women.

Finally, prostitution should be legal. Unless you are a true social conservative that strongly believes in monogamy and that everyone should be straight and monogamous or otherwise socially outcast - and I do have some respect for those people - there is only one word to describe someone who opposes legalizing prostitution. That word is "creep."


Ah, so your website is "Lesbian Dating Secrets." No shock there: just another guy-hater. Now we know.


I'm not sure if my comments will show up since I didn't post them as a reply, but keep up the good work.


If lesbian relationships are so equal, Barb, why does the one that looks more like a man usually pay the bills?

What a joke: a lesbian telling successful wealthy men to "go the more traditional way." Then you and your clientele should go ahead and do the same, and stop spreading the meme that lesbianism is anything other than a reflection of the fact that when women aren't raised in an atmosphere of sexual repression, they are naturally sexual enough to be turned on by having sex with pretty much anyone. Throw in a little man-hating, and we have your lifestyle and website.

Barb Elgin

Mark - Dirk's comments show the type of disdain that proves how badly we need more education in the dating community. Dirk's remarks are very offensive and not relevant to the issue. His comments above show he knows very little about lesbians and same sex relationships. Instead he shared stereotypical, judgmental beliefs. Being lesbian is, according to mainstream professional organizations, a sexual orientation. Most gays and lesbians don't 'hate the opposite sex' and being gay is not a 'lifestyle'. Yes some lesbian couples are butch/femme but many aren't and, I know butch/femme couples where the femme pays the bills! I realize Dirk was doing all of this to deflect the sugar baby issue. Perhaps there is no 'middle ground' for he and I to discuss (or even agree to disagree). But he didn't have to put me and lesbians down as a group in doing so. Oh, and BTW, I'm sure there are sugar babies and mammas in the lesbian community. I'm just as concerned about their behavior and it's impact on others. Yes, people have a right to do whatever they want, as long as it doesn't 'hurt' others. I know that many people break that rule. I'm not naive. But I also have a right to speak up with my concerns.

Barb Elgin

Hey Dirk - So what, we disagree. We just come from vastly different backgrounds...obviously. Neither one of us is right or wrong. We both have challenges and hurts, just different ones. What do you see yourself doing in 10 years? Do you see yourself in a lasting relationship or ???

Barb Elgin

To the older stud muffins out there - Would a younger adult still hang out with you if you didn't pay them to do so? ;-)

Barb Elgin

Another way of saying it Dirk: If you could have the relationship you desired LONG TERM, what would it look like? ;-)



With all due respect, allow me to correct you. Older guys and younger women is the default relationship for humanity for thousands of years. On the other hand, lesbianism is sexual deviance - not that I am deviance free, myself, since some of my bedroom practices would probably be considered a bit deviant (i.e., french kissing women who have my semen in their mouth) - few of us are deviance-free.

But, that having been said, older guys with younger women is right, and women being with women is wrong - every civilization since early in time from every corner of the world has known that. Older guys tend to take a very caring and protective role toward younger women - of course, there are always exceptions. Moreover, in my humble opinion, in today's society, women are as capable of handling relationships at 18 or 23 than they will be by 45 - in fact, women get so beat up by today's dating market, it seems fairly clear to me that they go emotionally backward if they stay single too long.

I am a live and let live person, but your commentary - and that of thousands of other women like you - demonstrates that there is no reason for me to be tolerant of those who do not tolerate, especially those who do not tolerate normalcy - like you.

To answer your question, my current plan is to relocate to Colombia where I met a very nice, adorable young single mother (19 at the time, now 20) when she came to my hotel room last January to have sex with me for pay as arranged by a third party - prostitution is legal there, BTW. We hit it off sexually within a minute, on a personal level soon after, including when i returned in December. She has announced that she wants me to marry her, and I plan on taking her up on her offer soon after I return to Colombia in June as planned, quite possibly to stay.

She has already announced - unprompted - that she also likes girls, so an occasional threesome or moresome - something she is no stranger too, would be a nice complement to what I expect will be a long and loving marriage. I believe a situation like that is preferable to people fooling around behind others' backs, something I'm sure she, and I know I, will be very tempted to and probably do. That having been said, I have noticed that once women are in a relationship with a guy that truly likes them, their interest in being with other girls seems to drop dramatically, so we'll see - I have no intention of forcing anything on her she doesn't want to do.

She just logged on to Skype, so I expect I'll be hearing from her imminently, but I will leave you with this fresh post from a very popular blog: http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2012/02/05/comment-of-the-week-9/

The average guys of this country are getting very angry, Barb. I warn you and others like you to back off. Forty years ago, the women of Egypt dressed quite liberally, and skimpy bathing suits were the norm. I'm not predicting a backlash like that here, but what I am predicting is what I keep hearing and seeing - just about every single guy who has been anywhere else or heard from others is at least thinking about getting out of this country, which is now known through the world as "pussy prison." Of course, its not pussy prison to alpha males or to other women - its just pussy prison to regular guys. If you are fine with millions of single guys, and their wealth and tax base, emigrating, keep it up.

You picture these sugardaddy sites to be filled with very rich guys, but in reality, the real elite guys don't need to bother with websites - the women know who they are already. Most of us guys on there don't make spectacular salaries- we're just a little older and more stable than the bad boys these girls usually date, and whose children they have often already born before they split town.



I know plenty about lesbian relationships. I've dated three self-proclaimed lesbians, who have a long history of dating other women, and most of the women I have dated in the past 15 years also dates girls since nearly all women under 45 do that now.

Of the three lesbians I've dated, the single thing that turned on one of them the most was having me cum on her face, which she would ask me to do with great enthusiasm.

The last time I was with another - the aforementioned girl on met on sugardaddy - not only did she announce that she did not expect any money from me, but she enthusiastically swallowed my load both at night and in the morning. The next morning, we were watching a TV show which discussed the "fluid" sexuality of women, and my girl proclaimed - "that's not it -its that women are freaks."

Do you think it makes any sense at all that someone would be a lesbian and want to swallow a guy's cum or have it all over their face?

I understand it all quite well. You're politically correct nonsense about orientation is just that for 99% of lesbians - nonsense. The only education that's needed is for people to stop buying into your constant stream of lies. You hate older man/younger women relationships that have some financial basis because its competition for lesbians. Meanwhile, every time a 14 year old gets drunk and makes out with her bestie after getting pumped and dumped by the high school quarterback, your organizations are out there convincing her that she's a lesbian and should be proud.

Yes, there are exceptions to every rule - I'm sure a few femmes pay for the butches. And, yes, you say "I'm sure there are some in the lesbian community" - of course you know full well its not as common, so what you are doing is launching a broadside against sugardaddy type relationships. Bottom line is, the education that's needed is not for the rest of society; its for people to stop buying into your politically correct stream of nonsense.

You want to be intolerant, so you will receive intolerance.

"Go the traditional way" - how full of it you are!


Funny how American culture is a stark contrast to the rest of the world, as an example, Brazil is not forbidden to prostitution. But they always find a way to make up what is explicit. For a free culture without this false modesty that is not escort sugar

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